Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Jordan's Top 30 Metal (or whatever) Albums of 2011

Here we are at the end of 2011...

(The above statement is about as profound as I'm going to get right now)

This will both be my first and last post of the year in the cavernous void of Thunder Cvnt.

Since this is my first time writing for this blog, I feel like introductions are in order:

Hi! My name is Jordan! I like neat things, good music, and other stuff. I probably have better music taste than you do, and I'm super freaking humble about it. I'm slightly anti-social, and my Mom keeps telling me I might be autistic (this might also make me far more kvlt than you are). Oh! Did I mention I'm single? Cause I am (I'm really banking on this blog to net me a ton of sexy ladies). I also really like parenthetical statements (so get used to that).

That's about it. Or at least all that you need to know.

Get ready to have your mind blown by how awesome my music taste was this year. In five... four... three... two...

30. Blut Aus Nord - 777: Sect(s)/The Desanctication
View this album as proof that Liturgy should just piss the eff off. These two albums push black metal to limits of obscurity and, more impressively, do it in it a way that makes you actually want to listen to it again and again.

29. Morne - Asylum
If you can make it through the first track's 17 minute run-time you'll be hooked. Slow, massive, sludgy doom. Kind of like an Isis popsicle covered in mud and dipped in a bit of gothic ambiance (not too much, just the tip).

28. Corrupted - Garten Der Unbewusstheit
Want to ruin a bangin' party? Put this record on and watch as everyone get's really depressed, leaves your house, and never talks to you again. Do it. I dare you. This Japanese band was a big surprise for me this year. I had never heard of these doomy titans until I saw them on Chris's year-end list. Now I'm in love. This will also prove that Japan isn't just full of a bunch of short, hyperactive people yelling about giant radioactive monsters and buying used panties in vending machines.

27. Absu - Abzu
In the last couple years I've seen an influx of calling just about every band "blackened." Blackened doom. Blackened death metal. Blackened pop (not really). But, eh, it fits here. Blackened occult themed thrash. I hated their last album. Loved this one.

26. Deafheaven - Roads To Judah
Shoegaze crossed with black metal. That was really all I ever needed to hear.

25. Rotten Sound - Cursed
This band has been one of the most consistently awesome grind bands around. This album keeps that flame burning.

24. Ravencult - Morbid Blood
Greek black metal with hints of NWOBHM. Word.

23. Mournful Congregation - The Book Of Kings
I've never been a big fan of funeral doom. At all. I was bored to tears with MC's last album, The June Frost. But this year I've found a huge appreciation for the slow burning, massive riffs of all things doom, and decided to give this band another try. I am now retracting everything I ever said about them.

22. Vastum - Carnal Law
This is about as raw and primal of a death metal album as you're going to hear this year. Dirty, dirty riffs dripping out of every seeping orifice.

21. Disma - Towards The Megalith
This album will crush your soul, swallow it whole, and shit boulders on your face.

20. 40 Watt Sun - The Inside Room
You'll notice that many albums I've chosen push the acceptability of being included on a year-end "metal" list. The Inside Room has more in common with slowcore than it does traditional metal, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy as balls. The project of ex-members of Warning, 40 Watt Sun has crafted the bummer album of the winter. If Codeine is your thing (the band or the drug) then you'll probably love this slab of melancholy.

19. Krallice - Diotima
The third album by these weirdos, and also their third really awesome mind-bending album of ridiculously complex metal.

18. Wolvhammer - The Obsidian Plains
Another "blackened" band. As silly as the amount of "blackened" music that has come out, it's created some really badass music. The Obsidian Plains is cold, bleak, angular, and glorious.

17. Moab - Ab Ovo
Black Sabbath meets Queens Of The Stone Age. Trust me, this doesn't suck as much as the previous statement makes it sound. It's real rad.

16. Junius - Reports From The Threshold Of Death
Imagine Katatonia making sweet love to HUM while the dudes from Deftones watch and high five each other. If that sound like something you'd be into, then get this album.

15. Trash Talk - Awake
These dudes churn out more fun, more energy, and more catchy tunes in a 9 minute EP than most do in their entire careers. I had this on repeat for like three days straight.

14. The Atlas Moth - An Ache For The Distance
Sometimes I think that the extreme metal community is afraid of hooks. Not everything that's catchy is shit. I love the chaotic obliqueness of band like Portal but there is nothing wrong with "metal" being something that gets stuck in your head for days on end.

13. Origin - Entity
I hate most tech-death. I find it soulless, over-indulgent, and mighty boring. All those notes flying at your eardrums with no real meaning or purpose... I'll take simple and brutal over insane technicality any day (unless it's a Mick Barr project [See #15 Krallice]). But these guys... these guys get it. You can play your instruments like a cracked out mathematician AND still write actual songs. Damn good songs. Plus, the album is concise and doesn't overstay it's welcome by lasting 70 minutes.

12. Agoraphobic Nosebleed/Despise You - And On And On...
Full-disclosure: I'd probably love anything that Agoraphobic Nosebleed put out. So, yep, I think this is awesome. As an added bonus this split introduced me to Despise You--a band completely worth your time, money, and children.

11. Fucked Up - David Comes To Life
This band keeps getting more grandiose with each album, but still keeps their shit grounded. Normally I'd cringe at the prospect of a rock opera, yet Fucked Up is one of the few bands I know that can pull it off and not make me hate them. Amazing stuff.

10. YOB - Atma
I listened to YOB more than just about any band this year. It took me a long time to get turned on to these guys and now I can't get enough. YOB does this brand of doom better then just about anyone. As incredible as this album is, it has one major flaw: The production. It's sooooo thin. This needed that low end so bad. If it weren't for the unfortunate mixing choices, this album would have been ALOT higher in the list.

9. Indian - Guiltless
So dense. So heavy. So so great.

8. Prurient - Bermuda Drian/Time's Arrow
Don't be fooled by all the synths and electronic sequels cause this is metal (okay, not really... but I like calling things metal when they aren't). Prurient has more albums then you can shake a baby at, but this is the first album that I've been able to listen to all the way through. I appreciate his brand of power electronics mixed with intense vocal vomits, but I can only handle so much before my brain begins to bleed. It's painful stuff. On Bermuda Drain and the companion EP, Time's Arrow, Prurient takes the extreme nature and nihilism of the noise genre and filters it through a John Carpenter soundtrack to create something dark, magical, and creepy as hell. All while allowing you to keep your hearing.

7. Atriarch - Forever The End
Joy Division as played Satan.

6. Gridlink - Orphan
Discordance Axis forever!

5. Thou - The Archer & The Owle/To The Chaos Wizard Youth
No one makes riff sound as slime covered and suffocating as Thou. Go to their website and you can download these two amazing EPs for free. You officially have no excuse not to listen to them.

4. Trap Them - Darker Handcraft
At this point in the list it shouldn't matter what I write. Just go get these albums.

3. Bruce Lamont - Feral Songs For The Epic Decline
Saxophones are totally metal. Yes.

2. Wolves In The Throne Room - Celestial Lineage
Farmers in Oregon making some of the most inspired, organic, and beautiful black metal you can imagine. I've been following this band since Diadem Of 12 Stars and each release is more amazing than the last. This is their masterpiece. This is by far the best album of the year but... it's not my favorite of the year. There is a difference and that album is....

Wait for it.


1. Subrosa - No Hope For The Mighty Ones

I will say one thing about this: The doom metal Dixie Chicks.

Yea. This was a damn good year for metal.

Sorry if this seemed rushed near the end. I'm running out of laptop power at the coffee shop. And I don't have the internet at my apartment (cause I'm kvlt).

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